{"id":85656,"date":"2026-05-20T00:01:00","date_gmt":"2026-05-20T06:01:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.opinionpublica.tv\/portada\/?p=85656"},"modified":"2026-05-19T20:04:57","modified_gmt":"2026-05-20T02:04:57","slug":"how-to-have-a-difficult-conversation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.opinionpublica.tv\/portada\/how-to-have-a-difficult-conversation\/","title":{"rendered":"How to have a difficult conversation"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"How<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I once had an issue with a close friend \u2014 but instead of talking to her about it, I put off the conversation for months.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When she invited me over for dinner, I finally decided to unburden myself. By that point, though, I had worked myself into such a state that I felt dizzy. My friend had to lead me to her couch and get a cold cloth for my forehead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I could have avoided that situation if I had talked to her when I first got miffed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s tempting to delay a difficult conversation, especially with someone you care about or see often, said Matt Abrahams, a lecturer at Stanford Graduate School of Business and the author of \u201cThink Faster, Talk Smarter.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe do this hoping and praying that it\u2019ll get better on its own,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But tough conversations are less daunting if you have clear steps to take. I asked experts to walk me through them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Choose an appropriate moment<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Finding the right time and the right place are crucial, said John Caughlin, a professor of communication at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Approach the person when things seem calm, he said, adding that tough conversations should generally be done in private.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chatting in person is best, Abrahams said, because you can \u201cread cues and clues\u201d in a way that you can\u2019t on a device. And, he added, making time to meet up signals that the conversation is important to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If possible, have the discussion outside, said Jefferson Fisher, the author of \u201cThe Next Conversation.\u201d It\u2019s something that he often likes to do, he told me. If you\u2019re sitting on a park bench, you\u2019re not staring into each other\u2019s eyes, which can be difficult for some people, he said, and you can take a break to look at your surroundings if things get intense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Give the person a heads-up<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Convey that this may be a difficult conversation by starting with what Fisher calls a \u201cheads-up sentence.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tell the person, in a neutral way, that you\u2019ve been bothered about something: \u201c\u2018Hey, I\u2019d like to get something off my chest,\u2019 or \u2018I\u2019d like to talk with you about something that\u2019s been on my mind,\u2019\u201d Fisher said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can also set a collaborative tone by saying, \u201cI need your help with something that\u2019s been bothering me,\u201d he said. That puts you on the same team and can prevent the other person from feeling defensive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Give them a quick preview of your topic so you don\u2019t leave them \u201cgripped by fear and thinking, \u2018I\u2019m in trouble,\u2019\u201d Fisher said. In my own life, I\u2019ve learned not to tell my husband \u201cwe need to talk,\u201d which causes him to freeze like a rabbit, but to say something specific such as \u201cWe need to talk about our credit card bills.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s never pleasant to have a challenging discussion, but it\u2019s even worse when a person has no idea that it\u2019s coming, Fisher said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep calm and stay on message<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Establish a three-part goal for yourself, Abrahams said: What you want the person to know, what you\u2019d like them to feel and what you want them to do. (Write it down beforehand if it\u2019s helpful.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the conversation derails, keep returning to your goal. \u201cThat can help you stay grounded when things are in motion,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you get pushback, Abrahams likes to use paraphrasing \u201cas a tool to stay the course.\u201d Simply repeat what the person is saying in your own words. This validates their point of view and can calm them down, he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt doesn\u2019t mean you agree, it just means, \u2018I\u2019ve heard you,\u2019\u201d he said. \u201cThen get back to your point.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At the end of your conversation, thank the person, Abrahams said. \u201cYou can say, \u2018Hey, I really appreciate that you were willing to work this through with me,\u201d he said. And if you\u2019ve come to a resolution, he added, briefly summarize it in a way that\u2019s clear for both of you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you haven\u2019t resolved the issue, he said, \u201cYou can say, \u2018I hope you hear that I really want to work this out with you,\u201d and suggest you revisit the subject later. \u201cMost of our interactions are not one and done,\u201d he added.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After I stumbled to my friend\u2019s couch, she made us some tea, pulled a blanket over both of us, and we talked things out. It was hard. Then it wasn\u2019t. I shouldn\u2019t have waited.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s time to put down your phone and go outside.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most of us spend five or more hours a day on our phones, and research suggests that the long hours can affect our mental and physical health.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019re going to help you strike the balance between your digital life and your real one with our monthlong \u201cTouch Grass\u201d Challenge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every week in June, we\u2019ll send you an evidence-based challenge to encourage you to pause your scrolling, step away from your screens and feel more alive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you already subscribe to this newsletter, you\u2019ll automatically receive the challenge \u2014 but you can share the sign up below with a friend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n