{"id":85574,"date":"2026-05-19T00:01:00","date_gmt":"2026-05-19T06:01:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.opinionpublica.tv\/portada\/?p=85574"},"modified":"2026-05-18T17:41:23","modified_gmt":"2026-05-18T23:41:23","slug":"my-boss-goes-on-benders-what-are-my-options","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.opinionpublica.tv\/portada\/my-boss-goes-on-benders-what-are-my-options\/","title":{"rendered":"My boss goes on benders. What are my options?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"My<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Alcoholic and Absentee<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dear Work Friend,<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve worked at a small company of 10 employees for nearly eight years. Overall, I work with great people and enjoy what I do. The pay is good, the hybrid schedule is flexible, the P.T.O. is generous.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The glaring issue is that the founder of the company is an alcoholic. For long stretches of time, he disappears completely from day-to-day work. He is essentially unreachable and does not carry out his responsibilities, leaving the rest of us to pick up the slack. If he were in any other role, he\u2019d be fired, but since he\u2019s the founder, and we have no formal human resources department or board, I fear there\u2019s nothing I can do about it.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve learned to work around him and don\u2019t need him to review my work or be involved in meetings. But it\u2019s taking a toll on morale. When he\u2019s absent, it signals to us that our work is not important. Beyond finding a different job (easier said than done), is there any action you recommend?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014 Anonymous<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019re a lot less powerless here than you seem to believe. You may not have a formal mechanism for accountability, but you have a practical one: You actually do your job.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As you acknowledge, your main problem is morale, since you\u2019re able to keep the company running smoothly during your boss\u2019s absences. The \u201csignal\u201d I\u2019d pick up from that state of affairs isn\u2019t that your work is unimportant, but that his is. The truth is, you and your co-workers are the key people, and he\u2019s the minor figure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I hope that makes you feel a little better. You deserve it! More important, I hope it makes you see your leverage. If you and your colleagues decided to stop covering for him for a week, could he pick up the slack? If you and even a handful of your co-workers agree that the situation is unsustainable and can band together, you suddenly have the means to effect change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The question is, what changes do you seek? It seems clear from your letter that you\u2019re not interested in tackling this problem on a personal level \u2014 staging an intervention or otherwise trying to get your boss help for his alcoholism. That\u2019s understandable, but you may want to consider approaching someone he trusts outside of the business, as a group, to explain how his drinking problem has affected his work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Depending on how his alcoholism manifests itself, other people in his life may not be aware of how bad the situation has gotten, and would appreciate a carefully communicated expression of your worries \u2014 especially if it\u2019s understood as a collectively shared concern, and not the complaints of a single disgruntled employee.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That still leaves you with a workplace low on morale and high on frustration. The simplest and socially smoothest approach might be to raise the issue as a purely procedural matter. You can throw around phrases like \u201cbusiness-continuity issues\u201d (i.e., \u201cwe\u2019re running the business when you\u2019re gone\u201d) or \u201cdecision-making authority\u201d (i.e., \u201cwe\u2019re going to start signing off on work without you\u201d). Most important, though, you should insist on fairer compensation for the extra work you\u2019ve all taken on. If he can\u2019t make you feel important with his presence, he can at least try to do so with his wallet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019ve assembled a large enough group, you could press your demands much further. Remember, you and your co-workers effectively are the business, and he\u2019d probably have a difficult time putting the company back together if most or all of you were to walk. (And wouldn\u2019t it feel vindicating to see him try?) It would hardly be unprecedented to have a coalition of key employees approach a founder and demand that he formally cede some power and ownership \u2014 if not step aside entirely \u2014 to better reflect the practical reality of operations. It would be an uncomfortable and risky conversation. But it would be much harder to feel unimportant at a business that you earned a stake in \u2014 or one that you yourself run.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Out of the Mouths of Babes<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dear Work Friend,<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

My husband is the head of his department, and for several years we\u2019ve hosted a social gathering every spring at our home. All are welcome, including children and spouses. The vibe is warm, familial and casual.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, my husband has been experiencing some tension with subordinates \u2014 normal workplace stuff, but some folks take that tension home. I know this because of an odd conversation I had at the most recent gathering. One of the co-workers\u2019 children came up to me and declared, with curious glee (as if to gauge my reaction?), \u201cToday is a sad day!\u201d The child had been running around quite happily, so I was puzzled. \u201cWhy is it a sad day?\u201d I asked. \u201cBecause Charlie has the best parties, but we don\u2019t like Charlie.\u201d (Charlie is my husband.) Stunned, I replied, \u201cWow, that\u2019s a really mean thing to say.\u201d The child shrugged and said, \u201cThat\u2019s what my mom said.\u201d I dropped the subject and excused myself.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In retrospect, I\u2019ve understood that this child was probably reporting a conversation his parents had in the car on the way to our home, i.e., it\u2019s too bad that such a fun party is hosted by a person we despise (who also happens to be a person I love, of course). The interaction troubled me for a couple of days. In the end, I decided not to share it with my husband, nor did I reach out to the co-worker at the root of the interaction. I couldn\u2019t see how either action would help, but the exchange has left a bad taste in my mouth.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Did I do the right thing by letting it drop?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014 Socially Awkward<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kids say all kinds of rude and stupid things. When my 5-year-old tells me that he won\u2019t invite me to his birthday party because I\u2019ve gently suggested he eat one single bite of the plain quesadilla he demanded I make for him, I try to let it roll off my back. He doesn\u2019t really know what\u2019s going on, or what he\u2019s talking about. By this principle, I\u2019d like to think that, in the event a child at my home told me their parents hated my wife, I could shrug and open another beer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Admittedly, it\u2019s no fun to have your spouse vilified by someone who can\u2019t even do long division. But it gives me pause that this conversation gave you so much pause. Why did this trouble you for days? Reading your letter, I\u2019m having a hard time squaring the idea that the tension at your husband\u2019s office is \u201cnormal workplace stuff\u201d with the idea that his subordinates might \u201cdespise\u201d him. If the trouble at work really is standard friction, I doubt your husband\u2019s colleagues really hate him, and it\u2019s much more likely you\u2019re particularly sensitive to criticism of someone you love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is an admirable quality, and it probably makes you a sympathetic and supportive ear at home. But the fact that you were even considering the possibility of reaching out to his co-worker tells me that you need to recalibrate your sensitivity, for your husband\u2019s sake as much as yours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On the other hand, if his subordinates really do \u201cdespise\u201d him, that implies something worse than \u201cnormal workplace\u201d tension. If this is the case \u2014 and I\u2019d trust your gut \u2014 then I think you do need to say something to him, less for the sake of snitching on your party guest and more because he may need to hear directly that the tensions he believes are ordinary have in fact metastasized.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019ll have a better sense than I of the specific problems of his potential mismanagement, and of any mitigating circumstances \u2014 and most important, a better sense than a little brat of how to communicate the problem to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n